1) Tribal issues - The Lizzard People are battling the Mole People
   again.   The UN does not know how to resolve the issue and the US has offered  to   send Secretary Powell to the region.

   2) Bully issues - The classroom bully is now wealthy.  He invested
   the    lunch money he stole and now is a millionaire.  Former victims have
   filed a    class action suit to cash in on some of the profits.

   3) Bird issues - Big Bird has been replaced by Bigger Bird.  Kids
   want more    and Big Bird just isn't big enough for today's demanding kids (may   want to    comment on Jesus' message of frugality and simplicity).

   4) Bubble Hockey issues - The players want to be able to communicate
   with    the booing fans.  Maybe talk things over to diffuse the tension.

   Show #2

   1) Niagara Falls issues - Since kids under 18 can't gamble, the city
   of    Niagara Falls is initiating a gambling "head start"   program.  This program    teaches the kids how to play the different games, how to become
   addicted,    how to hide your addiction, how to cash your paycheck and then blow   it on    gambling, and how to recover in order to start all over again.

   2) County issues - The County is having problems with the heat, so 
   temperatures are going to be below normal for the next couple of
   weeks. 
   The rats (that turn the turbines that create the heat) want new
   sneakers as 
   a concession.

   3) Bubble Hockey - As part of the Patriot Act, army men have replaced
   the    CCCP team.  Obvious problems: guy who gets shot can't hold a stick;
   sniper    guy needs to stand up; radio guy won't let go of the phone;
   binoculars guy    can't see through the opaque, plastic binoculars.  (There may still   be army    men in the studio).

   4) Video game violence - Well the topic of what to do about video
   game    violence has surfaced again.  New games introduced:
   You have a track ball the maneuvers a cursor - that's all
   Color bars quickly appear then disappear - you guess what the colors
   are   Game has the letter "a", space bar and monitor - you get
   one minute   Put in a quarter and a screen saver appears; 2 quarters and 2 screen   savers    appear.

     Space Station - the alien traffic is down and economically it's hurting the 
   station.  They've decided to turn the station into a roller rink to  entice 
   more aliens to come to the station.  Sub issues:  How do certain types of 
   aliens fit into skates - do they have to staple gun wheels to their feet? 
 

mb 3/17/03
air 4/11

Song issues - If you're happy and you know it - don't clap your hands!  This is causing arthritis, carple-tunnel disorders and auto accidents.  We recommend you clap your head or snap your toes 

Insect issues - Fruit flies are turning to vegetables because they healthier.  How now do we deal with this problem. Do fruit fly soup kitchens now have to serve vegetable soup?

Bubble hockey - Fooseball guys challenge the bubble hockey guys to a game.  The fooseball guys start the fights, but can't finish them.

Rat college bill - Too many rats are registering for college.  The "Rat college bill" allows any rat subjected to government testing from 1989 - 1995 to be eligible for college tuition grants.  Problems with bubonic plaque and "rat frats".

Canadian Issues - Canadians are starting to believe the Ottawa Senators can't both legislate and play hockey at the same time.

Bubble Hockey - Bubble Hockey tryouts - we'll show a action figure/doll and interview them about their chances.

Auto issues - People are carting around car doors, so if it gets too hot they can roll down the window;  too cold, just
roll it back up.

j
 
 

j

j ??
j 3/21
2/18/03
 

a. The lines painted in parking lots are really put there by aliens.  We can call the “Urban crop circles”.  What do they mean?  But, I’ve seen guys painting those lines before.  Are those guys aliens too?

b. Mike B. parked his car the other day and the spot he was parked in had a line painted across the “open end” so as to close it in.  Mike couldn’t cross the line in good conscience, so hid car is still there today.
 

The other stores in the space station food court are also worried about the slow business.  They’ve decided to advertise on the outside of the space station in hopes some aliens may want to stop by for a bite to eat. 

Can’t we get luke to help us?  I mean..after the movies didn’t he retire and do some infomercials? If we could get him out of retirment..we might be able to use him in an attack on IRAQ or he could train our armed forces.  (Lifesabres – Our armed forces could learn the ways of the force)

2) Take a penny / Give a penny (People are taking more than they give, so now you have to put in a penny in order to take a penny.  Armed security guards are also being posted)

3) I write the Songs (Barry Manalow is being sued because he writes the songs which make the world cry, sing and laugh when they don't want to)

4) 99 bottles ( As a public service announcement, issuenite would like to modify the 99 bottles of beer song to discourage drinking) ** type in:  "99 potted plants on the wall, 99 potted plants.  You take one down, you plant it in the ground, 98
potted plants on the wall."

Show #2

1) Title VI (Title VI is being expanded which require all schools that get federal funding to include sports for insects)

2) Niagara Falls issues  ( For promotional purposes, niagara falls is having the bubble hockey players play underwater - can they breath?  Will they rust?  Lyme man is a spectator, but has been ejected for trying to knaw through the bubble.

3) Leaf issues  (Winter is being delayed because the leaves have not fallen off the trees.  In an effort to speed this along, community groups are raking leaves off of the trees)

4) Vegetable issues (Pods are increasing rent, which is causing a homeless problem among peas)

j
 
 

j
 

j
 
 
 
 
 

j

j
 
 
 

j
 
 

j